My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Today's the DAY!

yahoooo.... will be leaving in 15 mins time.

luggage checked.

hair checked.

face checked.

everything placed near the door way. ready to move out anytime.

hmmmmmm hope this will be a nice trip!!

i will be back on x'mas eve or the day itself.. till den... ciaoz~~

Here I come...

Taiwan!! hmmm finally a happy event to look forward to.. leaving on monday for a week.

Just met up with ah ger.. hmm she seems to be a happy person again. its reali good for her. hmmm.... we talked abt girls' stuffs.. her trip in australia.. keke she bought me a reali nice roxy top! but we had forgotten about it and left it in her bag.. haha.. im always forgetful..

came back home and realised i had forgotten to bring my keys.. !!! knocked and shouted for my gramps but... they were not in.. so i called my mum frantically for help.. luckily, my dad was already on his way home.. so i waited for about 15 minutes before i could get into the house.

Haven packed my luggage yet.. but had prepared a list of 'what to bring' last week. hmmm... im going to do lots and lots of shopping and go bankrupt again lol..

went to yong's er jie's wedding last evening.. she was completely gorgeous!!! her eyes were mesmerizing and the gowns fitted her completely!! wow... and then, looking at the accessories she made for her wedding.. Gorgeous! Gorgeous! and Gorgeous! hmmmm den i started to wonder... how i will look lik on my wedding day... hmmmmm mayb plump. lol.. I have not shed any of those flabby fats at all!! And i was also reminded of my aunt's wedding about 4 or 5 years back.. she looked great too.. tats y she has such a cutie little baby!!

MY BABY ANGELA KNOWS HOW TO CALL 'ZEHHH ZEHHHH' already!!!!!!!!! Man, I am proud to be called by her!! she only knows how to call 'Papa' and 'Zeh Zeh' now lehhhHHH!!!! lol.... she is such a cute little baby leech.. always sticking to me when she comes to my house... she even wants me to help her to poo poo everytime.. lol.. mayb she can poo better when Im around... LOLOL...

awwwwwww i miss her already..... she will be going to taiwan too! i am going to kidnap her and ask her to sleep in my room with me on some nights! lol shes gonna b screaming with laughter when she plays with me n my bro in the hotel room!! its gonna b real fun!

i kinda miss nynn n shane too... although they suck my blood and drain my energy all the time.. but i still love them around and hear them talk about their new discoveries and adventures as they explore their little lives.. I am amazed with enynn's intelligence!!!! she can read P2 or P3 level's chinese story books!! wahhhh... 400% better den the boy whom I am giving tuition to... hmmm enynn may be rebellious at times, but she is a reali smart girl.. sure to become like her father one day. sure to earn big bucks!!

A Round Up...

for last month... it wasnt a smooth sailing month... lots of rough patches for school and relationships with friends...

i realised i haben been going out lik a normal person... with frenz i mean... i miss alot of ppl... some i haben been in ctc.. some i am in ctc with but have not met up with..

I feel i have a regretful life.. alot of mistakes in handling stuffs... i feel lik a pathetic fool.. looking back at how i treated sum ppl... I am too frank and hot headed. I always say wad i want and do wat i want without thinking of the consequences.. and when i realised it all, its too late. I will apologise to them one day and clear up the misunderstandings once and for all. lik me n yummieee.

But still, i wish them good. hope they truely lead a happy life.

I dunno... i tink i am imagining things or taking things too hard... there is no one i can trust eversince my course started... i need trustworthy ppl around.. its the same for all.. a kind of security. a kind of feeling so nice... that you know that there is at least someone there in the campus, in the class whom will support u and lend u a shoulder to lean on when things are going bad...

i miss my poly days... those dark days... i could still manage to get through becoz of the bunch of cliques in school... the kind of support and care from them... it was more den enough to get through my darkest days... there was at least an aim... not to let them feel sad with me... i dun wan them to..

Now... i am standing alone. ALL alone in sch... urrrghhhh... the more i tink of it... the more i feel the urge of seeing the cliques.. who are leading their own lives their way...

No good... This is no good...

i am starting to wonder if i chose the wrong path... Am i just not suited for this course? Am I gonna be a goner forever??? y cant i do things properly?? y couldnt i juz study hard and get gd grades??? y the hell cant i just get motivated?????????

I FEEL LIK A BIG LOSER... IM A GONER.... THIS SUCKS... I HATE MYSELF.... reali.... i dunno y.... i dun wanna give up... i love this course, im reali interested in it... im willing to giv my best in projects.. but when it cums to written tests and exams.... i get all blank and my hand just cant move.... although preparations were made... i still...... couldnt get it though...... Y Y Y Y Y?????

WAD THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY MOTIVATION????????????????????????

Now i can only put up a thick layer of skin on my face and send in my application for appeal... man... i reali do hate myself. i reali do.