My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

One Last Entry...

before i head over to nynn's place.. haiz.. their parents are overseas again!! i hav to go over n babysit again. n gotta juggle schling. they will oni be back on tue. god knows if its am or pm. hopefulli they wil b back on mon night. lol. coz im still feeling a little anxious over sch.

errmmm haven been a student for a yr and a half.. gettin a little distant from sch life. but hey its gonna b a new adventure and journey right? should be a gd experience la. bro n yong were telling me to get a voice recorder for the lectures.. lol.. i tink i reali need to resort to this. coz im a S-L-O-W learner.. haha.. nt sure if i can make it. but i will try my best.

oh ya. and from next week onwards, starting from 31/7/06. I shall write my entries with no SINGLISH and broken english. seriously, its about time i should in proper language isn't it?

oh gosh.. its 11.30am.. gotta rush over to their place now. haven even packed my "luggage" yet.. bought some goodie foodie for the kiddos. hope its gonna b a stress free 4 days. cummin back on tues. but havin a 'formal' dinner with yong and his family.. butterflies in my tummy. oh ya. must buy durian puffs from ANGIE and peach tarts from HAN's. hope they like the foodies. :)

will update again once im back on my new sch life and blahz on tues night!

--_-- SICK N TIRED...

cant stand my grandma.. swept the floor and there she is eating the seeds.. she can never eat those tidbits properly!! why must she feed the sofa, floor and her clothes too?? hell, i hate tat. she can walk around with the tiny crumps and seeds all over the floor and she doesnt even clean it!! FUCK!! mind u i juz swept the floor and it was nice n clean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD DAMN IT. and when i point at those crumps on the floor to her, she can reply me, "what? don't have lah. Not me. is your mother.." WAD THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.... my mother wil nt dirty the floor ever!!!

Not to mention. she likes to bang the doors. im nt sure why. mayb she cant hear how loud it is. sumtimes i freak out in the middle of the night by the loud bangs after she finished her stuffs in toilet... and i told her so many times to take off her dirty slippers when shes in the toilet cause the floorings in toilet wil hav black spots due to the water on the floor. FUCKKKKKKKKK she nv listens.. she will always say tat its not her.. let me ask. who the hell wears slippers arnd the hse everyday?? SHE IS THE ONI ONE IN THE FAMILY............

AND THEN CUMS THIS OLD GRANDPA WHO THINKS HES THE KING. NTH GD BEFALLS ME WHENEVER HE CALLS MY NAME. hes another weirdo and sickening old folk. he curses and swears at EVERYTHING EVERYDAY. LOUDLY. and he doesnt search for things tat he needs. he will oni shout, "xiaowei Ah...... tat (whatever item) dun have ar?? i cannot find." HOW DARE HE SAY HE CANT FIND WHEN HE HASNT EVEN STARTED SEARCHING FOR IT?! LAME. And i always ans him the same thing as the above line. and he would feel guilty but still stands there and ans "dun have leh...". and remain standing there and expects me to get the item for him. WAD DER FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK...... and it happens a few times in each single day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he will call out my name every one or half an hour. WAD IS WRONG WITH HIM HUH???????????

TOLD HM NT TO SMOKE IN THE LIVING ROOM. TRY TO SMOKE IN HIS ROOM since we moved one tv to his room. there was one time i told him to smoke in his room because the smoke realli stangles my throat. furthermore, the living room now is very tiny. i dun wanna remain as a passive smoker and die of lung cancer when i reach the age of 30. but he answered me "WAD SMOKE LAH?? WHERE GOT?? DUNNO Y U ALL ALWAYS SAY SMELLY." WAD THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK..........

this is wad i experienced so far living with my grandparents for 2 months at home everyday. THEY WILL DRIVE ME CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... IRRITATINGGGGGGG.....

It Was Shen De Zhi Yi...

dat we should have had a cock but fun day yest lolx. the story goes...

was waiting for yum at orchard ctl stat. suddenly, sumone stood in frnt of me. realised it was marcus. LOLx was so excited to c him coz hadnt toked n met up for quite a long time. heres the funny part.

renny : "hey where r u goin?"
marc : "was at orchard, den went to bugis, den now come back orchard to buy things"
renny : "wad the.. y make 2 trips???"
marc : "orh came orchard to settle stuffs, den go bugis pray. the thing i wanna buy can only be bought in orchard bt cant brg to bugis."
renny : (thinkin that it might be a bulky stuff, so i juz nodded) "So wad u buying actuali, alone? join me n yum"
marc : "ya alone. k. i going to buy GU BAH (beef in hokkien)"

LOL OMG... yum came n join us after awhile. told her n she was laughing and puzzled as well. why must he buy GU BAH?? and in orchard??!!?? lol.. took us a while to get the ans.. his mum wants to eat the gu bah mee suah lah.

seached for the gu bah mee suah with marc. walked from taka to c.k tang.. he called his mum. said its at centrepoint and den paragon or sumtin. he decided to giv up in d end. lolx.

had lunch in orchard. chicky rice. lol. marc kept givin me the impression "HUH? come orchard eat chicken rice??".. lol.. the chicky rice is at far east. pretty nice chicky rice. not as oily. not bad. den yum asked me if i wanna pray at bugis too for safety for the next two months.. lol. so i said ok ba. and marc. went as well. super hero. hung in orchard n bugis twice in a day. hes the winner.

lameeeeee joke to begin the outing. but fun. lol. not to mention. marc took us on extra milessssssssss yesterday. i tink he had a serious direction problem yest. haiyo.. oh ya he said tat was the excerise i needed after nuain at home for so long. lol.. shit. he also said i was behavin lik im pregnant. kept eating. eh but i ate little portions hor.. LOL...

and yum was stil the same. tink me n yum were reali quite gong to follow marc. but she was too soft hearted. she wanted to trust his sense of direction and that he would go the right route the next time round. but, he failed us. HE EVEN MADE US WALKED from BUGIS to nearby SHENTON WAY. to find the EMPEROR's CAFE for sum health tea thingy. wad the...

instead of becummin an emperor, we became fallen angels.. innocently following him for a mile, but the cafe was closed. %^&^$%*&$#!#$... lol ended up in GOLDEN LANDMARK COMPLEX. dun ask me wad kinda landmark tat is.. u can tell frm the name. ULU.

lol.. ok me n yum were cursin and swearing at him yest. oh my.. hope i lost weight for tat marc. and poor yum.

there was also another person who came up to me. looked at him for a few seconds and realised tat he was BILLY! the fun Billy whom i used to work with in nike! we haven seen each other for like 3 or 4 yrs???? he stil recognised me! lol.. he was with his gf (finally.. hes attached.. lol). so excited to c him i jumped. yeah and reminded me of the days in nike. my first job ever. lotsa experience, sweat n tears. it was lik a homely feelin for nike when i saw him. although we had lotsa suaning for each other back then, but it was reali very fun workin with him. tons of laughter. ok. and marc gave him the leaflet(travellin info) someone gave him. lammmmmmmeeeeee. and billy was happy coz he said it was just nice, he needed tat! lammmmee!! lolx

yong also turned up to meet up with us. went to pasta mania. ordered the yummy yummy spinach tortellini. it tastes great!!! convinced yummmmiee tat there was no strong spinach flavour for tat pasta. glad she loved it too.

night time falls. we left around 8 plus from bugis. i had to head back to tamp to open up the letter box there. yong went with me. he also gave me a surprise. Yes. chocco. godiva's yummm yummmm choco!!!!!!!!!!! yeahhhh... lolx

nice day. lotsa surprises, cursing, suanin, laughs, walking, tasting, and sweating. Still. i would conclude it as a fun day! haven had such a happy day with frens for a long time! cheerzzz!!

My New House...

is pretty gd. yeah. beginning to love the environment. its quiet, NO CHIRPING OF a THOUSAND BIRDIES EARLY IN THE MORNING, the altar's cool, the place is much more modern, no more dusty floor..

BUT my grandpa brought in the OLD SOFA SET which i tink museums would pay any price to hav them.. -_-.. haiz. din reali slp well last night(1st night). either im too excited, or im not used to this room. lol. oh well, things will get better soon.

lotsa lotsa unpacking to do. i hate that.. its easy to dump things into the box when i pack, but the tot of unpacking them.. tough decision.. everytime i unpack, i will always ask myself, "why the hell do i own so many things?!". i wish those items can get to their new place on their own. haa...

dear, tats ur job, a new concept for u to programme. "walking items".. lol..

my tv hasnt got any programmes yet. beats me. gotta call MDA on monday coz they dun operate on sat and sun.. -_-.. my grandpa watched taiwanese "Ge Zai Xi" in d end.. lol.. wad the...

ahhhhhh i wanna buy new bed sheets.. eyein on those selling in aussino.. pretty funky and bright. gonna get them next wk before sale ends.

oh ya... there're 2 playgrounds. 1 of it right under my block and the other above the multi-storey carpark. lol.. u noe wad this means?? PLAY TIME with my DAUGHTERS!!!!! wahahhahaa.. hmm cant wait to c my baby angela later.. my ah ma bought bananas. angela loves bananas and watermelon so much tat she laughs everytime she sees those. lol.. oh ya she laughs and chiongs towards my direction everytime she sees me eating lunch. lol.. dat angel. love her smiles..

gonna ask mummy whens the house warming. siglap sisters and dear cant miss my mum's chicky wings, can they? lol..

yawnx. its 7.50am on a sunday, second day in my new house...

Great weekend...

at san gu's place last week! hehe.. e-nynn called me and asked me if i was free to go out with her, shan and gu. i said ok!

went to parkway. yong joined us too! ate at jack's place. -.- bad food.. but i couldnt eat much tat day too. was pretty full. lol.. yong was saying tat my aunt talks like shes interviewing him.. ya la.. wait till he talks to my uncle. worse. its lik a freakin strict CEO interviewing candidates for the post of SENIOR MANAGER.. and i always feel lik a fool when i talk to uncle daniel. not sure y. but its so different from the past.

Uncle daniel used to be a cheery, smart and fun guy when i was young. he would brg me out with gu (lik a lightbulb) whenever he was free! those were the happy moments. well, people do chnge, and i fully understand tat. but.. its a vast one for him. and i cant adapt till now.

anywayz, had reali reali great fun with the kiddies.. they are soooooooo cute lor!! gu kept tellin nynn tat im her mummy. lol. and den enynn also said "hannor!".. haha and nynn kept saying she looks so much lik me. dat cute little ger. even has a boyfriend now. lol.. a toothpaste. his name is "khit goh".. lolol.. sounds lik toothpaste in hokkien.

awwwww and there's our eshane... aiyooooo so chubby now.. my ah ma said "e-shane gt 2 han bao bao now". refering to her cheeks. haha.. but but as usual, she doesnt lik to share with others. and she still cries all the time over minor issues. haiz. mayb tats y i prefer nynn ba. shes independent and thoughtful.

we had to slp on one bed tog last sat. omg i hated the idea cause she can travel the world when she slps! keeps turing, moving and ROLLING. yes. rolling. and not to mention the toufu she ate when slpin with me. she kept huggin me. lol. and in the morning, i went to sit on the other side of the bed and looked at their slpin faces. so cute! but e-nynn rolled and rolled til she ended up at the place i was slpin on initially. she woke up immediately! and looked around frantically! when she saw me, she smiled so sweetly.. AWWWW SHE WAS LOOKIN FOR ME!! SHE REMEMBERED TAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SLP THERE!

Shes so damn sweet wo. i knew she didnt slp well coz she was slpin beside an elephant and she could oni travel half the world this time rnd. but she kept saying she had a reali great slp tat night cause i was slpin bside her. and she loved it! lol.. such a sweet little thing... feel lik chewing her! lol.

Thursday...

another day. usual day. fine day.

hmmmm.. been watching "Green Forest, My Home" the whole day todae.. lolx. i love the weather tdy. cooling, calm.. y calm? because today is the 1st day of the week ah gong din complain about the new house... phew.. great day for my ear too..

haven been slpin quite well these few nights actually.. the image of my wai gong kept flashing in my head. esp the day he passed away, with his eyes open even after his heartbeat stopped. surprisingly, none of us had any deams about wai gong so far!all the more i feel anxious about wai gong now. and extremely curious with one thing. wad will happen after i die? where do i go? what will i see? is there reali a soul in a human? is it reali lik wad grandmaster taught?

im not doubting the teachings or my faith. just curious about wad exactly the dead would experience and see. hmmm interesting.

well, anyway, i had been packing my stuffs the past few daes. alot of good old memories came back to me. i thought about the wrongs i did too. i wonder if there is ever a day where i can voice out my regrets and let bygones be bygones.

Life ar.. haiz its so fragile. alot of things happen and u r just floating around. we cant stop things from happening, and we cant anticipate wads gonna happen next. worse, things get out of hand sometimes, we might loose control over the situation or even ourselves. before you can react, the ending is already history and waiting for you to accept it.

how to live a life with no regrets? change my temper? change my character? change my style? change the way i tink? or change my brain?
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some happy happy moments with my baby angela last sunday:

I tink she loves her xiaowei zeh zeh wo!! lol... always stickin to me.. coz i always feed her with gd food too!! funny.. i always tot that my connection with e-nynn is a miracle. i know wad nynn is thinkin. i know her temper and character and can easily anticipate her reactions. i tot shes the only kid i reali understand. but recently, i can understand angela too! although she hasnt learnt to talk yet.. but her body language and her eyes.. lol.. one look at it. *snap finger

omg me and e-nynn reali connected!!! she just called me now!! awwwww just when im missing her... keke... she keepin me updated on her latest gossips now.. hehe.. ciaoz

Worn out...

hmmm.. wai gong is now living at Bright Hill Temple peacefully. cant wait to go pray to him next monday. reali miss my wai gong.
shame on me. i should have spent more time with him instead of slackin b4 he passed on. instead, i spent time praying at home these few days for him. i hope he is doin fine now?

life is all back to normal now.. went out with my mum tdy to purchase items for the new house.. oh god we went to joo chiat and walked, walked and walked for a few hours.. and den to bedok area..

(gd issues)
- ate lotsa stuffs with my forever.hungry.mum
- saw lotsa interesting stuffs
- lotsa fun & laughter with my mum arnd

("god damnit" issues)
- my mum oni purchased curtains... and a SHARP washing machine... -_-

- oggled by stupid lao ti kos (filthy old men with saliva drippin uncontrollably upon seein ladies. often spotted at coffeeshops or quiet void decks). i wasnt even wearing obscene stuffs on me. i was covered decently enough with non-translucent / non-transparent cloths. they kept staring at me and my mum was pissed too. i was bloody hell pissed that i stood there a few seconds and glared back at them with fiery eyes and a freakin hell fucked up expression. oh well think i overdid it.
in d end, they looked away and sipped their drinks. FUCK. wads wrong with bedok. sum of them are my ah gong's frens. if i told them im his grand daughter, i think they would chicken out and go fuck spiders instead. RIGHT NOW, I FEEL LIK SLAPPING THEIR UGLY, FILTHY, OLD, USELESS FACES. TO HELL WITH THEM. they are useless. im sure abt that. otherwise, they wouldnt loiter in coffeeshops drinkin their time away. PUIZ.
anyway, i tink spiders despise them too.

NO MORE NONSENSE PLEASE...