Renny's Secret Diary

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My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Day Two. More Reflection...

today is the second day for the wake.. hmmm we are all pretty worn out since tues night. but i know. i have a strong gut feeling that gong gong has been brought to western paradise already.

ah ger came to the wake last night. was so relieved to see her. because i felt so helpless these few days.. from the injury.. i started limping. and i felt no care and concern from my mum n dad. they din even ask how i was. until the death of my gong gong, and more swelling on my right knee(went to see sinseh 2nd time. now its bandaged). only den they saw the bad swell and asked me how it was. but i guessed that they were also too busy and tired with work to notice that i was limping?

also recd a horrible news from ah ger last night which made me so god damn disappointed and down. i couldnt slp well coz of that and the death of gong gong. these two bad bad news kept recurring in my head.. i cant mention wad ah ger told me here. cause this is a blog and stuffs... but it has sumtin to do with haitien. no matter wad, i still believe that wad master taught us were genuine and he reali put in alot of effort to help us during fa hui and choir practices. there would be no haitien or choir if it wasnt for his doubled effort. maybe he was reali facing difficulties at that point of time.. i reali hope that master will be a fresher master again after three years. no matter wad, he still has my respect because i have learnt alot about grandmaster's teachings thru master.. just like the respect i have for all masters and grandmaster. i can only say, my life changed after i gui yi. my character changed. i live even more happily now. i understood wad it meant by treating and seeing everyone as equal now. and master played a reali big role in all that by teaching us wad grandmaster taught. so for now.. just wait. but i will still go to haitien to pray because its still my temple.. the only place that gives me peace.

hmmm after gong gong's death, i realised that the family from mother's side.. they are not in good terms at all. bad mouthing each other, backstabs, cursing and swearing... oh my.. the thought of it gives me a big headache. anyway.. im still trying to digest things which are happening now.. esp after last night..

Yong will be cummin for the wake tonight. reali missed him. i realised i reali missed him. after so such happened. i feel so tired. life and humans.. lots of tests and obstacles. hmmm... i tink i will feel alot better after seeing him later. coz he is reali my pillar of support. its a great feeling to know that me n him are so connected. we know wad each other is thinking and he is always there for me no matter wad. im indeed grateful and glad. no matter wad happens, i can count on him to give me the support and help needed. realised i love him so much and he is part of my life alrdy. after death of gong gong, this made me realise that i should even treasure and love ppl around me more. not to take them for grunted. my family and friends and yong.