My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Day Two. More Reflection...

today is the second day for the wake.. hmmm we are all pretty worn out since tues night. but i know. i have a strong gut feeling that gong gong has been brought to western paradise already.

ah ger came to the wake last night. was so relieved to see her. because i felt so helpless these few days.. from the injury.. i started limping. and i felt no care and concern from my mum n dad. they din even ask how i was. until the death of my gong gong, and more swelling on my right knee(went to see sinseh 2nd time. now its bandaged). only den they saw the bad swell and asked me how it was. but i guessed that they were also too busy and tired with work to notice that i was limping?

also recd a horrible news from ah ger last night which made me so god damn disappointed and down. i couldnt slp well coz of that and the death of gong gong. these two bad bad news kept recurring in my head.. i cant mention wad ah ger told me here. cause this is a blog and stuffs... but it has sumtin to do with haitien. no matter wad, i still believe that wad master taught us were genuine and he reali put in alot of effort to help us during fa hui and choir practices. there would be no haitien or choir if it wasnt for his doubled effort. maybe he was reali facing difficulties at that point of time.. i reali hope that master will be a fresher master again after three years. no matter wad, he still has my respect because i have learnt alot about grandmaster's teachings thru master.. just like the respect i have for all masters and grandmaster. i can only say, my life changed after i gui yi. my character changed. i live even more happily now. i understood wad it meant by treating and seeing everyone as equal now. and master played a reali big role in all that by teaching us wad grandmaster taught. so for now.. just wait. but i will still go to haitien to pray because its still my temple.. the only place that gives me peace.

hmmm after gong gong's death, i realised that the family from mother's side.. they are not in good terms at all. bad mouthing each other, backstabs, cursing and swearing... oh my.. the thought of it gives me a big headache. anyway.. im still trying to digest things which are happening now.. esp after last night..

Yong will be cummin for the wake tonight. reali missed him. i realised i reali missed him. after so such happened. i feel so tired. life and humans.. lots of tests and obstacles. hmmm... i tink i will feel alot better after seeing him later. coz he is reali my pillar of support. its a great feeling to know that me n him are so connected. we know wad each other is thinking and he is always there for me no matter wad. im indeed grateful and glad. no matter wad happens, i can count on him to give me the support and help needed. realised i love him so much and he is part of my life alrdy. after death of gong gong, this made me realise that i should even treasure and love ppl around me more. not to take them for grunted. my family and friends and yong.

Gone forever..

To western paradise last evening. Relieved from all the sufferings.

I cant reali accept it even til now.. Its so sudden. I was ten mins late to see him for the last time. I was so shocked when i saw him. He grew so thin.. I couldnt even see any flesh for his face.. His cheek bones were so distinct.. He looked lik he was still waiting for someone as he wouldnt close his eyes even after beating of his heart stopped.. And in the end, doc closed his eyes for him.. My aunt told me that even though doc had closed them for him, wai gong stil opened his eyes a little after that.. This was reali heart wrenching to hear.. He was waiting for two of his children who were not there yet..

after the nurses changed his clothes and laid him down.. We prayed for him the whole night as he was also a buddhist. We sang from six pm til nearly two am.. My mum kept askin my dad, bro, and me to go back home to take a rest.. She had to stay as she was the immediate family member to gong gong. My cousin stayed too. so we left around 2am..

i hate my knee. i cant believe it im limping now coz of the injury 3 days ago from playing badminton.. now i cant kneel for the funeral.. how... i still have to see another sinseh to tui kah... cant believe tis.. cant believe everything now... its lik a whirlpool.. urrrghhhh. i dunno wad im tokin abt now..

Wah I M Obiang!!

lol... visited some of my fren's site.. they all hav got new blogskin and music n stuffs.. i realised.. mine is... still the same. wahhhaa.. yiew.. gotta gotta do sumtin... mayb.. lol

Nice Nice Weather...

yipeee!! i love this weather! rainy, wet, and cool!! dats my nick! Renny..
hmmm wad crap m i tokin about.. tink i have been cooped up at home for too long.. been nua-ing eversince that UPS job.. ahhhh sleepin over 12 hours every day.. oops... i dun wanna wake up looking lik a piggy...

hmmmm meeting yong n ben later for badminton in TP.. WOw wowow.. haben visited the old campus for a really looong time.. its time to see how my beloved ITAS canteen looks lik now.. heard that its becum lik a foodcourt environment.. but but filled with BAD FOOD... yucks.. i wonder wad came over the school... the old vendors sold great, delicious, and superly affordable food in the past.. uurrrghhh.. probably thats one of the reasons why i haven been back to campus for a long time....
anyway.. im going to chk out for pretty gals and guys later on! hahaz.. oh my.. im gonna feel overaged though..

yong juz informed me that he had been promoted.. with increase of 50 bucks.. lol.. ermmm wondering if i should be happy or sad for him.. lol. but anyway. one more yr to go oni la.. after dat he will nua lik mad.. juz lik wad im doing now..
me = pathetic
lolx.. but hey i kinda enjoy it.. i mean, its nt lik i can choose to nua all my life.. in fact this is the first time! i used to work every holidays or even weekends sometimes while studying.. im wondering where all that drive and energy went to?!?!

ermmmm... mayb i should think about wad i reali wanna do in the future once i have my degree.. told yong that i wanna work in an advertising company. but, i dun tink its gonna b a smooth journey.. lots of sweat and tears for sure... i will feel extremely lucky if i can get a job with a starting salary of S$1800/month. ha... of course, the more the merrier lah!!

my new life is starting soon in one and a half month. pretty excited about this new course! i muz encourage myself all the time.. "im gonna make it". i mean i have to. im sick of being a CSO/sales promoter all my life!! hey its time for sumtin new isnt it? its reali time to settle down with a career and decent job after this degree.. errmmm firstly. i hope i hav chosen the right course and excel during this 2.5 yrs.

YEAHHHHHH!!!! GOTTTA DO IT!! G-O GO!!

My First Time...

Using gprs to blog. Lol.. Anyway im still lazin on my bed.. Yawn! Oh god its such a good weather.. but going to my grandma's place later. Gotta open up letter box for mum.. recently am watchin 'stained glass'. A korean drama series. Woo hoo! Its so so oh nice! Must watch must watch.. Hmmm guess tat is all now. May create another proper entry again tonight cause keyin using phone is quite mah fan.. And my hand is very 'sour' now.. Lol

Post-Jobless-Syndrome

okok.. another day of a free bird as usual.. oh well visited nick's livejournal and came across sum quizzes posted by his friends.. so i decided to try them out to kill my boredom... lol..

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Yikes! Yikes...

its been along time since i last blogged.. it all started with the resignation @ UPS(finally).. accepted by SIM.. down with flu and cough.. whole load of drowsiness and mood swings.. lots of bad deeds to yong.. visiting my two princesses and tied down by their constant callings; "zeh zeh!!!!"..gettin the new house rdy(renovations and stuffs).. of course, a free bird ever since...

Now now.. its been the 3rd week since resignation... and i feel lik i'd been on a rollercoaster ride.. lots of emotional downturn and lots of stuffs happening around me at an unbelievable speed.

- Im Glad that-
I recieved the letter of accpetance right after i quit. Phew! i can stop working and stop hunting for jobs at last! WOO HOO!!


- Im Tired that -
I gotta move yet, again. how many times must we go through this?? all the planning, choosing, deciding, renovating, packing, moving, unpacking... this is like the 4th time of my life! even my most clever e-nynn lost count on the number of times i moved. she was so surprised and she exclaimed, "Wahhhh 4 times already ar zeh zeh?!?!?!". oh well... tired, very tired. i practically ignored most of the discussions on the new house.

afterall, it was just.another.new.house.for.everyone ... im also tired with all the complaints my grandpa has for EVERYTHING on this issue EVERYDAY. yes. EVERYTHING = EVERY SINGLE THING = EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. damn it. my head is about to explode from his irritating and loud voice. and yes. he yaks and screams and curses/swears. Oh god, jesus christ, buddhas, alah.. whoever.. JUST STITCH HIS MOUTH UP!!


- Im Happy that -
Im moving house soon!!! Hmmmm.. wondering if i should say good bye and mock at the PR Lizzies for stayin on in this lao kok kok flat. And wish them all the best to continue to grow LONGER and FATTER and CLUMSIER and DIE FASTER.. LOLOL.. omg.. im reali a sadist when it cums to tokin about lizzy. and it will never change. they can never fail to frighten me just by flashing their naked bodies at me.. -_- .. okok i shall stop here. but still... YIIIPPPPPIIIEEEEE!!!!!! New House Means No Lizzies!!!


- Im Upset & Angry with MYSELF -
coz i made yong very upset and angry. i ignored n avoided him from before i resigned. i had mood swings when i was on medication. that was the partial reason. i tot i was not returning the same amount of love and concern he gave me. i was reali pissed with myself as well..

i din know why i did that to him.. i just wanted to take a break from everyting that was happening and ignore everyone by hiding myself at my princesses' house. that is the only place where i can see innocence and pureness. because the princesses made me see the real me and what i reali want.

so i decided after i left their place that i will to put in more effort and give myself a second chance to treat yong better. coz i did cry at my aunt's place alone. realised how upset yong was after he hung up on me. and it was not because of the confinement. its because of wad i did. and how i avoided him without a valid reason. Sorry dear..

and im grateful that u had been reali patient and continued to love me during that dark period. otherwise, things would have ended up very differently instead. Now that everything is over,things should be back on the track again. but i know he doesnt trust and love me as much as before already..
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ok, so.. i guess that was the overall highlights of my life for the past 2-3 weeks. awwww ya...

I REALI REALI REALI miss my e-nynn and e-shane.. the two lovely cutie girlies.. sweet little thingys.. always asking me why do i have to work and why do i have to go back home and not stay on at their place.

oh my.. the happiest folks to hear me quit my job was those two princesses.. lol.. they were so happy and excited on the phone "YEAHHHH ZEH ZEH!! You never work liao can come and stay at our house FOREVER!!"... lol... oh my.. that was soooooo loud over the phone.. but extremely pleasing to the ears... like always..