Renny's Secret Diary

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My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Seriously Disappointed...

in him. not becoz he smoked. but how he kept everything inside him without tokin to me. he stil told me dat i was the one closest to him. yet, i was the one who was kept in the dark. and was sentenced "you din even try to accept me". can anyone tell me how can i ever accept him now?? im so utterly disappointed. if he stil love himself n his family, he should noe wat is the right thing to do. i just realised dat even the closest can betray my trust.

mayb i had neglected him. but haven we told him dat he should concentrate on studies if he reali wanted to do well? told him nt to work. but he insisted. frm young, he was very spoilt n pampered. although he onli saw the harsh treatments given by mum n dad, there was a reason behind every scene. it all cums to the conclusion dat they juz wanna giv him the best. who were the ones who supported him when he was broke? where is his shelter when he needs one? its us. its this home.

not juz this. to me, family is everything. y is it dat i m also their child, yet i can win their trust n hearts? honesty. communication. dats all. no special tactics or scams. DAT IS ALL.

stress is not an excuse. definitely not. i dun believe stress is the root for ppl to smoke. juz a lousy excuse. y cant he juz say dat he couldnt resist his camp mates' influence?

you noe how stressed m i now? now dat i learnt the truth? all the scenes which could happen flashin in my brain? the shiveringz i get frm those undesirable scenes? the kind of disappointment i get which i could nv imagine? the kind of worried for his health? the anxiety of holding on to a truth which i nv wanted to noe? understand the tears which are fallin down my eyes uncontrollably?

this is sucky. my life has gone to a down point again. did u noe dat i admire, respect and care for him although i nv voiced them all out? this is worse den brkin off with my ex. it hurts. seriously.