Renny's Secret Diary

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My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Hate My Brain...

why is it dat i can never remember important things.. and yet those rubbish memories are always flashing through in my brain?? i wish my brain were washed..

been feeling dejected and aimless for a few months now.. no drive and energy like the past.. juz wish there could be a shoulder for me to lean on. I dunno wad love is anymore. I realised dat i cant and i dun noe how to.. suddenly i juz feel dat nth is real.. promises are lies and dreams are fictious.

Now thinkin back abt the past relationship... was it a dream and fantasy or was it reality? People keep saying I LOVE YOUs to each other.. but what does it reali mean? How do they feel when they said that? How should they feel when they want to say that?

I dunno.. hmmm seemed like a century ago when i last said that phrase.. Who will I say it to next time? Will I ever get a chance to love again? Will I find a person whom I love? Will things end up like the past again? I wish i have the right and courage to tel him this phrase right away. But i guess its all too late le. He has so many girls around him waiting to tell him that. Who am I to do so anyway.. Im juz a ger he had forgotten long ago. Im juz a ger he wouldnt want to remember. Perhaps im the worse gf ever. Im nt a normal ger. I think.

I tink i am imaginning thingz again lah.. sigh... wish he could be back. but cannot forgive him. and dun tink he feels sad abt leaving me.. sigh sigh.. bad luck..

Wonder when will my good luck be back.. ANYONE!! Please bless me with a gd life ahead.. i am tired.. very very tired of this kind of life. Only need a simple and easily contented life. The weird thing is that the simpler i want it to be, the harder it is to achieve..