My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Fine day...

yup todae i am goin town to meet my aunt n ning ning.. hmmm.. den go over to stay... heh heh... gonna have fun there la.. hope the two little "angels" dun bully me hor.. if not im gonna hav a long blog entry when im backz.. lol

practically rotted at home the whole dae yesterdae la.. but went to ktv on tue with the sch gang. it was awesome n super fun.. sang until like shit, nobody's business.. hahhaa... wanna go again with the gang. dunno y i feel very comfortable with this gang. its like everyone noes each other well, we can tok as much cock as we can, wifout worrying who will blow up n blah.. of coz when we cock it was all a joke. not much of serious business.. reali love them.. went thru thick n thin together.

hey ya yum n lolli... i wun ever forget u guys too.. when wil we hang out too? kublai? lol... yummm u also itchy skin.. genghis lik no one go one... tink nt fresh hor? i wan the kublai mongolian n freshhhhhh salmon!!!!!!!!!! muaHhahahhaa...

next mon gonna meet my siglap sistas.. wanna go sun tann in the mornin, den lunch, mayb a ktv session after dat.. we hardly meet up.. mus play til like shit den can.. lol..

Woo hoooo... and sentosa with meifen n gang.. sun tann again!! deliciouzz

School's over...

so soon... mixed feelings.. used to hate schling alot in tp eversince the break off.. i tot my world had crumbled.. if not for all the buddiez arnd me... i wouldnt have made it through and hav the energy to move on. wanna say a big thank u to all of u (bao mei, meifen, elsie(tp), marcus, yum, lolli, andy). Thanks for hearing me nag n nag all the time den.. n bearing with my tears. of coz a another big thank u to my dear siglap sistas.. thanks for dat dae at ktv.. was very touched when elsie n jean teared with me.. n bearing with my screams and uncontrollable behaviour.

A special thanks to meifen, elsie(tp), bao mei, marc, andy and mei hui. for pushing n motivating me to do my projs.. and of course they compensate for my short term memory.. always helping reminding me things which i can never remember. keke..

u noe wad.. we wun get to see each other in sch almost everydae like the past liaoz... very sad.. the oni enjoyable thing in sch is dat we can joke, tok cock and slack together almost everydae together.. kinda miss that kind of lifestyle already..

haiz... dunno why.. feel empty and super eng now.. but wil go out alot nowadaes.. at least for this n next week... den get down to serious work.. do projects liaoz.. hmmmm... hope can make a mark la.. if nt reali waste my 3 yrs in poly. I realised that i always complain dat i hate IT.. but i nv tried my best to do my projs.. den get lousy grades.. den i hate it.. therefore.. i realised that i should try to get on with it. try and do my best. its nt that tough until i start to explore.. thats wad i tink ba.. ever since fyp.. i feel tat i reali tried my best.. may nt be the best-est effort.. but reali its the first time i worked hard for sch proj..

all the best also guys.. hope u guys find a way out on wad u all wanna do. muackZ...

Finale...

finally... oh mine im nervous.. this is reali holy shit!! oh well hope thingz will b fine.. yum please dun crash other ppl's car la.. LOL... anyway.. i tink should b ok de.

Sixth sense.. can la..

After the presentation wanna go home sleep... tired..

Judgement day (Tml)...

oh well... dats it.. tml is the dae.. gotta make it alright..

wanna thank my two girls.. yum n lolli for being such great team members.. though we had misunderstandings.. but in my heart i stil think that our hardwork will pay off. and we r gonna make it. im sure we r stil gd frenz after this fyp ya? n of coz muz thank boss for his help. thanks alot.. but i feel damn paiseh... guilty.. lol.. hey man you r reali gd in IT stuffs.. lol

i reali larnt a lot thru this fyp... from a spastic in programming to a person who can code basic stuffs.. hmmm got satisfaction la. and i feel like i learnt at least asp as the beginning to my future...

Although along the way... i heard alot of complains from other grps as well.. heh... abt grp mates n work n stuffs.. i hope all the frenz arnd me will make it. Lets all graduate together!!

Last but not least... yum, lolli and me... we will wack tml!!

One proj down, last one to go...

Oh yeah... todae is the submission for 3d... left with fyp liaoz. after this week is java paper on monday. Cool.. after dat free liaoz.. lol..

Will help haitien do webbie.. owe them this proj so long liaoz.. muz jin li er wei. do my best for my temple.. although it seems that "they" oni give special treatments to those who are there often, I will prove to them that although i dun "show my face" there All The Time.. I have contributed significantly to the temple.. and prove to them dat its always the heart that counts.. From wad i see, sum of the shi xiong n shi jie there nv fails to attend the ceremonies all the time.. but their heart... they dun cultivate their heart at all.. sad sad.. during the previous ceremony, they kept asking me "Why so long never come?" with a sacarstic expression.. Even my mum got this kind of treatment lor.. -_-.. but me n my mum juz smile and ans them politely that we were busy previously. Shang shi should know that i dun attend the ceremonies often. But he also nv reprimand anyone.. So i guess its all in one's heart ba..

Example 1: show face there every week. but for the sake of showing face.
Example 2: show face to see shang shi to get blessings.

Why humans likdat one.. the kind of feeling i have for my temple is like a peaceful and pleasant place to calm my mind n heart.. I oni feel a heart of gratitude to grandmaster and shang shi. Its not just about participating the ceremony.. Its about cultivation and sincerity. I dun think that showing face there all the time means he/she is a high practitioner. If that is true, majority of them already becum shang shi liaoz..

I hope the shi xiong shi jie can change their mindset. Otherwise they would have wasted their golden age of life pursuing their interests with a wrong concept.

Anyway.. this webbie thingy serves as a practice for me too. Will use asp.. becoz their current webbie also uses asp. Im quite excited abt it.. juz hope thingz will go well. At least this is not a piece of sch work.. there is less pressure for me then, and there is no GRADING for it.. LOL... dun need to aim for a pass.. instead i tink i can do better with less stress.. =_= ...

Long time no see bao mei and gang liaoz lol.. although its oni for a few daes la.. but i realized that this grp of folks are reali fun to hang with these past 2 yrs. Although there were conflicts.. but now thinkin back.. we are all graduating le.. everything seemed to have had happened just yesterday.. Kinda miss them reali.. i hope we will stil b in contact after graduation..

Hate My Brain...

why is it dat i can never remember important things.. and yet those rubbish memories are always flashing through in my brain?? i wish my brain were washed..

been feeling dejected and aimless for a few months now.. no drive and energy like the past.. juz wish there could be a shoulder for me to lean on. I dunno wad love is anymore. I realised dat i cant and i dun noe how to.. suddenly i juz feel dat nth is real.. promises are lies and dreams are fictious.

Now thinkin back abt the past relationship... was it a dream and fantasy or was it reality? People keep saying I LOVE YOUs to each other.. but what does it reali mean? How do they feel when they said that? How should they feel when they want to say that?

I dunno.. hmmm seemed like a century ago when i last said that phrase.. Who will I say it to next time? Will I ever get a chance to love again? Will I find a person whom I love? Will things end up like the past again? I wish i have the right and courage to tel him this phrase right away. But i guess its all too late le. He has so many girls around him waiting to tell him that. Who am I to do so anyway.. Im juz a ger he had forgotten long ago. Im juz a ger he wouldnt want to remember. Perhaps im the worse gf ever. Im nt a normal ger. I think.

I tink i am imaginning thingz again lah.. sigh... wish he could be back. but cannot forgive him. and dun tink he feels sad abt leaving me.. sigh sigh.. bad luck..

Wonder when will my good luck be back.. ANYONE!! Please bless me with a gd life ahead.. i am tired.. very very tired of this kind of life. Only need a simple and easily contented life. The weird thing is that the simpler i want it to be, the harder it is to achieve..

My New Blog Skin!!!...

oh yeah oh yeah dats the way i like it uh huh... but actuali i wanted another skin.. sum retro skin thingy.. with my favourite shape.. circles.. cool n hippy la.. but that one muz edit like mad.. found this in d end.. den edit edit becum likdat. wil further improve.

Upgraded my tag board into shoutbox. hmmm tink should b alright ba.. it seemed dat its not very consistent.. coz its retrieved from the myshoutbox.com..

Hmmmm this is the first blog for my new skin. Although its downloaded la... but wil edit the interface to make it MINE... currently oni changed the stupid heading.. make it more dreamy.. perhaps will add animation to the wordingz.

Now havin 3d lab.. hope can complete this dumb proj by sat. if nt hor... sianz sianzzz...

ENMM lesson now...

urgh... this week's lab has to write codes for exam revision lor... sianz sial.. was late.. 9am den reach. sankara's face was black.. den asked me to go in front.. said he had marked me as absent earlier on.. so i told him dat im sorry i overslept.. heh... tried to do dat 3d proj... modeling n tryin to connect to internet at the same time.. i tink my comp is goin to die. or my msn got virus.. so lammmmme... cant connect into msn at all for the past two days. -_-

Anyway... as long as the comp does not crash within these 2 weeks, i will thank god sial... hmmmm hope my luck can go on the better track after this one week...

my ah gong reali jia lat one.. lol.. bought those shelly thingz back to cook... n cook alot sial.. had to eat n eat.. but nice. as long as i dun kena "B XING GAN YAN".. hmmm.. no appetite recently n loss of sleep.. dunno y.. feelin damn tired..

after exams i will go for a ma-sa-gi session.. ahhhh... cant wait for tat.. coz my shoulders are reali achin and they cant relax at all... bao mei suggested to bring me to body shop to get a facial and ma-sa-gi session package.. hmmmm can consider. BUT STIL.. if i hav money.. i will go for ITALIAN SPA.. shiok sial..

hmmm need to sing ktv.. yearnin for it since a month ago.. lol.. oh yeah.. my samsung E630... will buy it once i get my first salary after exams!!!!!!!! IM LOVIN IT!!!!!! TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS PHONE!!!!!! MUaHAHhaHHAhahhAhahaaaa...

Ignore me. Im mad.

Craving...

for outingz.. for buffets... for ktv... for destress stuffs... for freedom...

WHEN CAN I FUFIL THEM?!?!?!?

urrrghhhh... im goin crazy... life sucks.. i have been workin so hard. tryin my best to make sure the coding is alright and doing debuggin for all the files.. stressed enough already.. i dun wish to complain anything already. So i hope ppl arnd me can help by not addin stress to me mentally. Juz wanna get this over n done with. Also learnt my lesson. Should juz keep quiet when i should not tok. In this way, thingz would b fine.

Well. Dunno wad frenship means in poly? Going thru thick n thin doesnt happen in poly i guess.. I dun even care wad credit or marks i get individually. I biah for this proj, i meant it well for my team. I juz hope I dun screw up the programmin to get my mates into trouble. I wan everyone to pass in my team... dunno if ppl understand... i also dun understand why i am lik dat.. mayb bottling up has becum a habit for me.. becoz i dun voice out, ppl dunno wad i m thinkin den misunderstandin occurs. oh well.. wadever.. i wil nt bombard anyone because i dun wish thingz to turn ugly in anyway n i am easy goin.

2 more weeks to the end of hardwork and blah.. destress destress period.............