My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Ideas ideas...

Wah sianz.. came for Apel this week.. guess wad. we juz took our attendence and den sundaram told us to complete Apel Reflections for Apel 3, den print it out and dump them into the portfolio... Shit him.. yawnz.. sleepy. but the worse thing is that i hav got nth to write for the relection thingy.. tough Qns.. lol.. i think i can write better for My Secret Diary lor..

Went back to temple last sat. hmmm.. dey wanted to do recording for the choir. However, we failed. Reason : too many ppl singin(out of tune), the 'kids' are not serious enough.. haiz.. anyway this fri hav to go back to record again. Gd luck to us ba.. juz dun lik it when the 'J' Brothers dun listen to suggestions. They always do things their way(wrong way). -_-... Sianz.. Anyway, i dun suggest things to them anymore. Coz its nt gonna b recognized anyway.

Hmmm also got a haircut last week.. hmmmm dunno wad to cut le la.. new yr's gonna cum soon.. dats y my mum kept buggin me to get my hair trimmed. oh well.. wadever..
Gotta pack room this week liaoz. Help out with spring cleanin.. but hor.. i dun wanna spend this new year at all.. no feeling. Feel lik stayin put at home and do nth.. S-L-A-C-K only... haiz..

Singapore is damn borin!!!! GET ME SUMTIN TO DO!!!

Lunar new year Resolution 1 : Be a Tai Tai soon.
Lunar new year Resolution 2 : Noe wad to do after graduation.
Lunar new year Resolution 3 : Get myself a man.
Lunar new year Resolution 4 : Loose weight.
Lunar new year Resolution 5 : Be Perfect!

(Ps : wah sei.. im damn greedy... Lunar new year Resolution 6 : Bring me back to reality lah~!)

Ahhhh, sunburn...

Yea yea after the final canoein lesson.. wow xiong lor.. the sun was scorchin! -_-||| and my face is burnt.. chao tah liaoz. but okok la... becum quite tanned.. although nt so even.. my neck cant get much tann coz of the buoyancy vest..

And of coz.. more blu blacks!! my thighs.. haiz 2 huge blue backs on left thigh and 1 enormous one on my right thigh.

Well.. tink i kena when i was carryin the kayak. Not cAreful enough ba.. sianz. but then, its reali a fun course. Yesterdae we went out to sea to kayak. Due to the monsoon season. the waves are so damn choppy.. hmmm scary but reali fun. Glad i took this couse. learnt alot.

Marc is a reali gd instructor. he taught us a lot of skills and filled us with an awful lot of knowledge abt kayakin. even taught sum basics abt 2 star course. hmmm he is a strict coach. totally diff from normal outings. haha.. very contrastin la.

kk muz reali work on coding liaozzzz... urrghhh.. stil halfway thru oni!!

Zi gu duo qing, kong yu hen...

This sentence is true. Finally... time to move on.. hope i can.. haiz.. low morale low esteem.. he completely crushed my heart. To think i tot there could b a way out in d end.. i think too much liaoz.. guys cant b trusted. say love u, in d end love wad shit..

SIANZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... used to giv him so many chances.. so stupid of me to trust him.. now i ask for a chance, and he shut off.. unfair unfair.. love sucks.. was it reali love? He is so heartless.. so darn heartless..

I am reali stupid.. dunno why i am so weak eversince i fell for him.. urrrrgghhghghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... SUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Canoeing tml...

yeah tomolo canoeing.. can go tannin again. but huh i doubt i can tann evenly.. haha..

nw biah asp codes liaoz.. sumone very pro.. -_- sit bside me see me code.. den keep laffin..
NVM.. at least i can complete hahhahaha...

sian nw take break from codin... Haiz.. hope can becum genius den can finish it asap. stressed...

By the way.. i tink i will try to write "The Uncompleted FYP". Hmmm.. thinkin of how i should write the story..

Next week term test liaoz.. Gd luck everyone.. hope we can pass ya? haiz... i doubt i can pass my stupid ENMM.. cannot make it.. java reali sux..

Juz had the 3d test on thur.. muz model an elephant... so law saw.. the elephant got so many accessoriez.. but i oni do the basic thing out.. could not complete.. so sway.. i couldnt find the software, so went to search for it and found.. scarli i realised dat the one im using is the demo version!!!!!!! i had already completed the elephant's head and eyes by then... so sway.. den cant save.. kaoz... by den i already wasted about 45 mins liaoz... den in the end redo.. den cannot do lathe for the body... got assistance from michael shaw... den heng.. at least he willing to help la.. so proceeded.. but i realised that my elephant got some lobangs.. LOL.. not detailed enough to cover some of the flaws.. sure kena penalised one..

Juz came back from e ning's house todae also.. haiz.. as usual.. machiam nv slp.. she cried at arnd 11.30 pm..and woke me up... reason? she saw her mummy huggin her daddy and not her... !!!!... ????... wth... is this considered as jealousy????????

Oh well her younger sis is as bad tempered as before.. but she sort of stick to me also.. had to give her sweets to make her sit on the sofa to prevent her from disturbin aunty mari from doing housework.. but with food, it works like a charm all the time. She is "tam jia". Reason : unknown. Tummy : huge. LOL..

I am a stupid gurl...

i came for apel.. den msg marc that the queue for 69 is god damn long.. can dun need attend class liaoz.. den he told me "todae no apel la".. WAH SIANZZ.. see la.. im blur n tootz..

Anywayz.. now im in fyp lab. tryin to work on db in mssql. but i will work from home. becoz sch is very distracting.. and stressful..

Yesterdae andy came over to help me with the codingz.. haha.. i oni do one page, and he pin point so mani thingz... hiam hiam.. hahaha..

hmmm went to ktv with the siglap sistas and nick.. ended up breakin down.. sumhow from the point i stepped in, i knew elsie knew dat i am hiding or wad.. haiz.. den in the end after jemmo and nick went downstairs to get Mac, i cried.. jeanie and elsie cried too... haiz.. love hurts.. well it was reali gd to cry on sumone's shoulders.. although i stil felt hurt after cryin, i feel silly. Cryin doesnt help in changin any fact. but couldnt help it. memories juz flashed back everytime i see him. and den then i will feel lik as if someone is tryin to pull out the root of my heart.. i feel like as if i din inject the dose of dugs into me again.. haiz.. heartbreak is reali like the consequence of tryin to quit drugs.. cant help it, the pain and sufferings juz come by itself after some time.. yet constantly...

hope time wil cure my sickness... DAMN IT... time... pls fly..

Sianz...

wahhh alot of tests and submission dates cummin!!!!! TIME FLIES!!! urrrghhhh... its gonna be a stressed up week i tink.. all serious work muz biah.. no time to tink or do other thingz...
next week got 3d practical test leh.. should b quite interestin.. but u see me panic lik mad when i do it.. coz michael shaw always has the better method to do thingz.. -_- oh well.. hopefully i dun score bad ba..

And then have to submit 3d project 1... haiz haiz.. tml is the fyp intrim report.. shiok bo...

Raining Catz and Dogz...

the whole dae.. hmmm nice to slack.. but later muz do db.. my brother juz installed the MSSQL for my comp.. renny renny dae...

Anywaez recieved a call frm ah meng last night, he juz came back frm JB. hahha dat buddy of mine bought a pressie for me also. dunno wad he buy sial. muz b up to some funny business.. and damn kaypoh la him. say wanna intro guys to me.. sickenin.. anywayz had a great chat with him.

Yawnz.. todae woke up rather earli wor.. 9.30... haiz.. last two daes slpt too much le la.. anywayz.. my aunt and uncle came over to my place.. dun lik it when my uncle n aunt always act lik they noe everything.. and keep askin me abt whether i got go temple or not.. -_- .. i oni noe they do anything shang shi do.. lik wad likdat.. urgh..

Boring dae.. hope sch starts soon.. tml got APEL in the mornin.. sianz.. muz listen to sundaram nag nag nag liaoz..

Blogging...

Hmmm.. i tink i will stick to this blog to blog my real feelingz ba.. so used to this blog le.. i love the title. Dun wanna hav 'My Secret Diary II'...

Well.. another half an hour or so to end the first day of 2005. Juz reached home after meetin marcus. Went out to hav a kopi session with him.. had a great tok with him. tokin abt alot of thingz made me realise tat i am such a saddist. hahhaa.. i tink too much and alot.. wonder y my hair stil so thick.. amazing.. haha.. oh well.. im gonna go with the flow.. see wad happens next and go along lor..

Actuali lik nth to say here now. juz felt a little lost todae.. all the gd old memories juz came back to me.. lik it was yesterdae. how nice.. how perfect it was to everyone and myself.. todae alot of thingz happened ba.. but life has to go on.. even though i reali regret wad i did and stuffs.. stil miss him, stil love him.. stil becum teary when i am reminded of the unhappiness.. stil i wish him gdluck n success in wad he does.. hope he wil b 100% happy all the time. no matter wad he does. I stil cannot forget him. hmmm.. silly me.. dunno why i so emotional todae.. when i should b happy coz its a new year..

I am coping well now.. at least a little better den last week.. gunbatte la.. jia you everyone..

Saturdae Blues...

hmmmm its another new year.. he din even msg me or wad. i also din. Heartless him.. haiz..

Its reali a curse. Last yr was the first time i celebrated Vdae with my bf.. guess it wil b the last too.. hmmm due to upcoming events, i feel so stressed up. Vdae, Bdae, Chi new yr... last yr tot he would b the one who will b there with me for all these events like last yr. But.. haiz..

Suan le.. see how ba.. upset also no use. coz he wil nv noe how i feel. mayb i keep sayin i wanna b kong jie is to run away frm bad memories. travel to and fro. search for an aim in life. concentrate on other thingz so i wun tink back or remind myself of those 'dunno is happy or not' past. Somehow or rather, i dun dare to step forward. And dun wanna go back. im here. right at this spot. stagnant. dunno y.. 2004 was reali a bad year.. esp towards the end. i reali hope 2005 wil b better although i noe its not gonna b any better..

Just hope i dun hav to run into him in sch. dun wanna see him. dun wanna face him. i hope i can get over poly life soon. wish i nv knew him at all.. krappy.

New Year Resolution 1 : Pass poly, leave poly.
New Year Resolution 2 : Find my THE ONE.