Renny's Secret Diary

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My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Sunday...

Emotion: Alone and Lousy.

Dunno y.. dun ask me y.. felt dat i screwed thingz up.. haiz nt interested in anythin.. urgghhhh!! get me a new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmmm im alone at home nw.. sianz.. feel lik sleepin and nt wake up anymore. need to work.. want to work very hard so dat i hav no time to think abt other thingz. I hope i get the sheaffer job asap. get up earli, work. end work late, slp at night. and wake up early for work again.. i miss dat kinda life. i miss my old brains and life.. haiz..

I feel very slack these few weeks until i feel lik a failure.. either slackin at home, or goin out, or eat or sleep... sianz sianzzzzzzzz.. i feel lik as if i hav got no life!!! this is sickenin.. sumtimes when u care too much for a person, u get backfired by wad u did.. haiz disappointing.. mayb i should sit back and relax.. stay cool and cruel lik my old self a yr ago.. i wan to hear ppl's claps and encouragements in wad i do. Independent girl. i dun need care and concern or bf showering love on me. I wan my old self.. prayin everydae for that.. i hope it cums true soon..

I juz feel dat i changed so much.. i used to be a 'multi-tasker' who could please everyone.. nw.. not anymore.. i used to b so cold and ruthless towards my bf.. nw.. lik a stupid ger who has no backbones.. i feel useless. i hate it.. the more useless i am, the more lost i feel... no mind of my own.. urrrghhhh... frm tomolo onwards. i will find myself back. The 'Cool' Rena everyone once knew.

urrgghhh got mosquities in my room... gonna get sucked by it tonight.. urrrghhh irritatin. cant bear to slap it dead.. mayb use insecticide later la.. hahhahahahahhaha..

drank chinese tea in the afternoon.. my aunt say can help in a lil of weight loss.. haiz hope it works.. if nt i will consider weight loss pills.. im a fatty boom boom... everyone says dat and my clothes are gettin tight. i promise i will eat half the portion i eat normally from tonight onwards. No more junk food, no more extra food for me.

Gotta revive my looks and figure lik the past. As attractive as the past. I wan to live lik a single, pretty, attractive and cool lady asap. JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!!!