Renny's Secret Diary

ENTRIES PROFILE TAGBOARD LINKS ARCHIVES

My feelings, secrets, unknown past and forgotten memories.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Depression

I was in depression during the last few daes.. nt sure y.. cried n cried the last 2 nights.. i felt so inferior and everyone was against me, no one cares or bothers about me. It was horrible. At work, my boss scrapped my programming work off and asked me to do database entry instead.. i feel so so so inferior because everyone else in my office can do programming.. y am i the stupid one who cant?? even bahbu head.. he could do php. And i cant. Its so unfair.. y am i assigned to b a programmer when i reali cant b one? TP only has a bunch of idiotic lecturers. They said they had looked through our grades and therefore assigned us a job. But look wad they did to me.. im totally bashed up, defeated and living in a world of my own havin depression and lunchin in everydae..
While travellin to work.. i can understand dat its reali crowded.. but ppl juz get in my way. Walkin so slowly in frnt of me, steppin on my toes and slippers, pickin their nose right infront of my view, pushin me, continuous banging onto me while sleepin seated beside me.. What is wrong with everyone.. They simply irritate me..
Seanie was my only pillar of support.. but everytime i see him, i dun wish to tell him my troubles.. he was already busy enough.. so i kept everything to myself.. we met up on tuesday.. i was so happy that we could finally meet up because i needed him so much. So i dolled up myself.. hoping to attract at least some of his attention. I thought he would reward me with a nice big hug.. but no.. he kept joking and criticizing me.. why does everything seems to be a joke to him.. i reali cant tolerate anymore.. he din even try to please me when i was angry. Instead, I was already so stressed up and he kept adding oil to the fire.. so i blew up, and got into a terrible depression.. i kept having negative thoughts about everything..